Now for my HEARING and a bit MYSELF story...please read on....

My new hearing aids

So I have learnt waiting later in the day is harder to write, I have been mulling over ideas on what to write about today and I know what I want to write about  but I still have left it for later in the day like I usually do with things that needs to get done. So through out the day  they are constantly hover around my mind - ' You haven't done it yet' - Now is your chance go for it. So now its 10 am in the night and here I am finally gotten myself to blogging and for you to know that topic that is been mulling in head.

Teenage years
Okay here I go - I learnt about this during my teenage years that I was partially deaf - there was a preliminary test done when I moved  from India to start high school in the US. Before then I had no idea, my speech was fine and I didn't feel any different in the sense that I was like every normal child there going to school or I mean I didn't feel that I was lacking in my hearing sense. But that summer when I moved to my aunt's place in Los Angeles, I was given the very back bedroom which was fine with me, I was feeling quite different moving to a new country, new  people - it was a bit too drastic for me. I still thought my hearing wasn't bad because I could still converse with  people but overtime if I look back now, I did hold myself back, more so I thought because I was shy and reticent. I lived in a family where everyone was highly educated and the talking smart critically about worldly events was the norm. I struggled fitting into this I just felt I was the dumber of the lot and more shied away from verbose intellectual conversations. I don't know if it was this or whether I really couldn't hear that made me back off socially - it could have been both.

The Marriage
During the year I got married my father was adamant to get me hearing aids. We were in India and as I know with my dad he always buys the most costliest one and although I tried to deter him - he still bought me the priciest hearing aids possible. But my first experience wearing them, they were very loud and especially in India with the traffic - the horns are blown every few minutes, - it was taking a toll on my ears. But just being in India and with a whole new group of my family - I felt like I was back home and I was back conversing as I usually did.

Another new destination
Then after marriage my new destination - London. I think I was here for a year and it was one miserable year because it took me a year to get a job here. And being by myself in that one year - I became under confident, I hardly wore my hearing aids - I was with myself - I didn't need it to converse with and I believe my whole attitude changed towards it. I wanted to feel normal, I was normal, I could hear per say, I didn't need the hearing aids.  I would wear them only when my husband was around because he hated repeating things to me. Over time I wore them occasionally, until they broke just about few months back .Slowly I realized that my hearing had gotten a bit worse, this being when I tried participating in conversations, I was talking about something so off the topic that my friends were speaking about and I was most naturally embarrassed by this.

Here I am now
I got my new hearing aids - thanks to the NHS just a few days ago and I think having them now I feel a resurgence of new energy that I can confidently converse again. I believe overtime that my environment and my attitude shaped my perspective about my HEARING. I decided to let it go and be okay that I have a sense of disability - and its not so bad after all - its okay not to be NORMAL.

Do you worry about your health? I do !!! Taking control to work out my negligent health concerns.

Lately there have been a few things worrying me especially about my health. With trying to keep it all together I believe I don't look after myself well. And slowly the pieces are falling  and I am barely catching on it. I usually think the worst case scenario when it comes to my health but here goes to all the health dilemmas I am facing now which is slightly scaring me to the till.

The Hair Dilemma
I think this has been happening for quite sometime after my little one was born. I hardly noticed in the beginning but within the past few months - my husband has duly noting the fact that I am losing an amazing amount of hair - at the least I have been ignoring it every time he brings it up. But its gotten to a point that there seems to a small bald patch looming on my head. So finally  I have taken some control of the situation  I got myself to the GP and got some blood tests done and am anxiously waiting for the results.

The Hearing Dilemma
I never knew when I partially lost hearing but it first came to light only when I was sixteen but still I didn't need hearing aids. I could still hear enough to participate in conversations and I had got my first hearing aids only when I got married. The hearing thing has been a bit of a battle for me - more of self denial - the thought that I am not normal like everyone out there when I feel so normal  ( I do hear and it doesn't feel like I don't hear) upsets me. Lately now though my hearing has worsened and there has been some embarrassing situations - where I have heard it all wrong and spoken about something completely different from the conversation my friends are having.  I have taken another hearing test and my new hearing aids will likely arrive in few months but till then I am going to speak much less since I hear much less.

The Liver Dilemma???
This weekend we went over for family gathering and it seems to have been noted there are some patches of discoloration on my right cheeks - and to my dismay  they suppose it could be due to some live problem. Just hearing people scares the living out of me. I don't understand why people have the propensity to deduce health problem when they are not qualified. Now I have been occasionally touching my abdomen wondering if my liver is all right. Its another one that I need to take account on - hopefully my skin lesions on my right cheek has nothing to do with my liver.

The Rotten Tooth Dilemma
It was months when I went to the dentist for the nagging pain of my tooth and which has turned rotten. They gave me an account that to get it removed would cost me about £3000 pounds. I don't have that kind of money and was hoping I would get it done when I went to India. Perhaps there it wouldn't cost so much. But the nagging pain has disappeared and I have been keeping my rotten tooth so far but I duly need to do something about it. So far I have come across is that it might be cheaper with NHS and so I am eventually looking to get a nice white tooth there.

I always seem to undermine my health - hoping my body will take care of it and I will be fine. In some cases its good but I know when my body is telling me that it needs my help. I have been way too tired with just doing the minutest things and I finally need to take this under my control and that is what I am doing now.